if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
