I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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