You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
