i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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