you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
