I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
