make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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