I love black thongs
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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