Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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