bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
