**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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