It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ttyl tear gas
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
