i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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