Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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