I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
