That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
