Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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