the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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