I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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