At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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