Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
