apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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