If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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