3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he thought i was a dude.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
