Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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