one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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