Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she woke up with a sticky ear
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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