Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's rum buckets o'clock
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
