i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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