I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
