I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
