I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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