I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
