Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
