I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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