Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
