you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
