soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
