I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
