is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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