So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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