I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
