were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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