Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tonight lets celebrate not being married
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
