she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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