well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
