The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
