Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
