my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
