I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
