I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
