When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
