i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
