Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
