I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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