There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
