i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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