Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
