Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
