Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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