What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
