This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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