Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
