He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
