I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
