is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize