tell your sister to shave her snatch
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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