Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
