I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We're too hungover to prance.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
