so that wasnt chicken after all
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize