Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
