I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
