Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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