everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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