I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
