I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
