I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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