i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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