Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
