cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
