Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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