I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
