Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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