Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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