More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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