so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
