I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
