Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
