But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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