i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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