We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
