My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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