I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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