You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize