Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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