she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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