Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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