Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
