we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
MIDGETS
????
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
