kristin has been a bad kristin
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
