I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
