How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize