The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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