I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
