apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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