any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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