so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
