i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
