I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I am morally bankrupt
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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