Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
