I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
