Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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