At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize