I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
