No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
