I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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