Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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