Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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