help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She's the barista slut.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize