Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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